I was just shy of my 30th birthday when I gave birth to our youngest son.
He was a bit of a “surprise” (yes, I know 😉 )
When I was 6 months into my pregnancy, our then 16 month old was hospitalized.
For over 10 days our little one lay nearly motionless, tubes running everywhere to keep him breathing as he continued to decline. One virus after another kept attacking until a series of big gun antibiotics and a few miracles turned the tide.
I barely left his side, day and night until weeks later, he was able to come home.
We moved the next week.
And this exhausted, but grateful mama unpacked while my other children helped that 16 month old relearn how to sit, crawl, stand, then walk.
A few months later, baby number 4 arrived.
My husband, only a few months into a new job, hadn’t accumulated vacation time, so other than being there for the actual birth of our son, he was working.
In fact, he picked me up from the hospital downtown when the baby and I were discharged and I dropped him off at work a few blocks from the hospital and drove myself home.
The next few months were a blur of bouncing baby boy, a new kindergartener, a preschooler and a struggling toddler. The baby was hitting every milestone ahead of schedule and our 2 year old was regressing, he had stopped eating and had lost most of his language. His little brother bounced and laughed at his new found world while he would scream in terror at the sound of an airplane flying overhead or leaves blowing in the wind.
I sought out specialist after specialist to help with sensory issues: hearing sensitivities, food sensitivities and bewildering constant falls which lead us from a speech pathologist to a physical therapist to a neurologist who wanted to run a few tests “just as a precaution” and sent us home only later that day to call frantically to say those precautionary tests had come back positive, our son had a catastrophic muscle wasting disease known as Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Suddenly the storm of not knowing had calmed, we knew what we were up against. As the grief set in, all the dreams and hopes we’d had for our little boy were wiped away and our whole life had changed.
To manage the stress I had started running.
No matter how little sleep I had gotten, I pulled myself out of bed to not only run miles but also lean heavily on the wisdom and support of two good women who joined me on those dark early mornings.
Did I mention I was also breastfeeding?
I wanted to do “everything right” by my kids. And because of our family history of serious allergies, I was doing so on a very restricted diet. No gluten, no dairy, no nuts, no soy….
My weight plummeted with babies to care for, specialists to juggle, helping kids with schoolwork, teaching dance classes and juggling church responsibilities. I knew I was stretched thin, but I figured it was all part of that time of life and somehow things would get better. I honestly got up happily each day to attack it again.
A few months after baby number 4 was born, my period returned with a vengeance and it was heavier than I’d ever had it. For a few months an IUD seemed to help, but when that devastating diagnosis came I started to bleed and nothing else the Drs tried could make it stop.
I became a zombie of exhaustion and anemia and the solution, my Dr presented was a hysterectomy. He assured me they would leave my ovaries intact and I would be fine. Knowing I wouldn’t be having any more children, my husband and I decided it was our best option and I scheduled the surgery.
I was 31.
A neighbors daughter watched my children so I could go for one last run the night before my surgery. My husband was out of town on work so I drove myself to the hospital early the next morning and my parents stayed with my kids. My husband flew into town while I was in surgery and a few days later I was home.
For the next 6 weeks I slowly recovered (and wore my mom out who helped care for little kids I couldn’t lift while recovering). Once I was given the green light to lift and to drive, I was back to full speed mom life.
Less than a year later and one more move (to be closer to hospitals and better schools for our kids with special needs) I looked in the mirror and saw a streak of gray hair.
I hadn’t slept well for weeks. My nights were full of relentless sweats and hot flashes, my skin was dry and my energy was in the tank. I felt awful.
After hearing my symptoms, my OB gave me estrogen patches…. I felt even worse. He told me to double them up. I felt even more awful.
A local celebrity had released a book about how she had climbed out of crippling depression with the help of a local Dr. The book was a big hit in our community and I reached out to the Dr and invited her to come speak at our local book club/church group and she agreed! She explained that women’s health needed to be treated differently than mens and how she was just learning how important our hormones were to our health.
After listening to her speak, I scheduled an appointment and she ran blood work. Sure enough my progesterone levels were non-existent and the added estrogen was making things worse. She explained to me that
She started me on bio-identical progesterone cream and I finally began to feel relief.
The surgery, the stress and the restricted diet had shocked my system into peri-menopause at age 32.
With new wind in my sails and more problems to solve, I hit the ground running again in the pursuit of finding answers for my kids and their health struggles. Not only were we dealing with Muscular Dystrophy, there were diagnosis after diagnosis of ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Mental Health Disorders, Food Allergies and nothing the Drs offered were helping. In fact, many of the meds were making things worse and bringing on side effects far worse than the initial diagnosis. I found myself hitting one dead end after another and plead with heaven for answers. Slowly doors opened and I was introduced to an emerging body of science around whole foods, nutrients and herbs that were proving to be helpful for many of my children’s challenges. This was before the internet had much to offer, so I began to read and read and read.
I was learning as fast as I could about whole foods, nutrition, herbal medicine and incorporating new principles into our routines and diet and my kids started to improve… I noticed that I was feeling better too. I wasn’t as dependent on the hormone cream, my sleep improved, the night sweats stopped.
It wasn’t until years later and years of schooling in herbal medicine and nutrition that I was able to look back and see that the continual bleeding, exhaustion, and anemia that lead to early peri-menopause were the result of utter depletion.
Bodies aren’t made to run on fumes.
I can hear my parents laughing as I type this — they always told me you can’t burn the candle at both ends and I had spent most of my life trying to prove them wrong.
They were right, I just didn’t realize what that meant. I grew up in the low-fat, low-calorie craze and I was really good at following it, we’d even tried a vegan diet as an option and saw initial improvements then huge regressions. Now I was learning how important healthy fats, sustainably raised animal products and huge varieties of foods were. Those were the stepping stones to replenishing essential nutrients, opening detox pathways and deeply nourishing my body through foods, herbs, spiritual practices and social activities.
That was over 16 years ago – that little baby now towers over me and plays water polo on a national level. His older brother is about to graduate from high school, and with some assistance getting to the stage, we anticipate that we will get to watch him walk to get his diploma.
It’s certainly been a journey. The crazy thing is that my experience is not that extraordinary. I see women every week who are in the same run down, depleted state I was in and are suffering from heavy periods, night sweats, exhaustion and so much more and have no idea what to do.
We as a society are just barely beginning to talk about women’s health in serious and helpful ways. But not everyone is on board yet.
I’ve spent the last decade learning new ways to look at the body. If 16 years ago you would have told me those experiences would eventually lead me through years of study and certifications, I would never have believed you. But here I am and we have a lot of work to do to help Western medicine can catch up to what herbal medicine traditions have been teaching and practicing for thousands of years.
Nourish, open & restore.
Our greatest health lies in our ability to support the ebb and flow of hormones that nourish and protect us.
Those years of hormone cycles are teaching us what we need to be well. Our periods are not supposed to be monthly punishments for being a woman, they are actually report cards, or as the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Obstetrics has recently designated, our 6th vital sign – giving us feedback on how our health, stress and nutrient status is each month. Not only does this help us in better understand and protect our fertility, it is also helping us prepare for the time that we cease menstruating and step into our wisdom years. Learning to balance and care for ourselves through our menstruating years prepares us for when we lose the protective effects of estrogen and progesterone and take on the full responsibility for nourishing, clearing and restoring our bodies, minds and souls for the balance of our lives.
“The woman in menopause, who is becoming the queen of herself, finds herself at a crossroads of life, torn between the old way she has always known and a new way she has just begun to dream of.
A voice from the old way (in many cases it’s her husband’s voice) begs her to stay in place—”Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.”
…menopause is an exciting developmental stage—one that, when participated in consciously, holds enormous promise for transforming and healing our bodies, minds, and spirits at the deepest levels.”
~Dr Christiane Northrup
Its kind of a beautiful plan isn’t it?
“Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around.
All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.
Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts.
I understand that you needed these protections when you were small.
I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short.
There are unexplored adventures ahead of you.
You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think.
You were born worthy of love and belonging.
Courage and daring are coursing through your veins.
You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen..”
~Brene Brown
If you’re interested in learning more, I’d love to chat. You can schedule a free call with me through this link https://Shelleyschedule.as.me/15minintromeeting
Best-
Shelley